You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
