6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
