I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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