I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
