Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
