He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
