so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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