YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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