You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
