what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
