I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize