Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
