His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
