I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
