I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
