Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
