she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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