His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
