I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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