I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
