Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
