I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
