Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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