Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
