You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
