Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
