At least make sure they are 18
Why
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
