so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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