I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
