I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
