This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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