I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will be naked everywhere
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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