2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
