CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
