You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
