Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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