I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
