Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
