Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
