btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
