Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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