i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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