Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
