I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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