I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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