i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Randomize
