4 words: hood of his car
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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