Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
