There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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