These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
