Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
