If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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