So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That accounts for only three of the penises
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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