U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
