The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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