You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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