I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize