I think I won the penis lottery.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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