sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
