What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
