I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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