The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
