i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
