We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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