i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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