Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm too high and old for this...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
