morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Shame - the story of my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
