toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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