thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
