Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
