He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
