K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
