we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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