She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
