I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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