How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
