and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
