Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's like iHOP with fire
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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