my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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